This weekend I attended a fundraising event put on by the lovely ladies of Alpha Phi here at the University of Minnesota. It was their fifth annual Red Dress Gala, raising money for the Alpha Phi Foundation with the proceeds going to women’s cardiac care. While I was there a particular stat struck me. It was something like one in every three women will have some form of heart disease. 

Now this struck me not only because I want to go into medicine and these things interest me. It struck me not only because I thought of all of my friends, especially the young women that put on this event, and how a third of them would be or have been affected.

No, it struck me because I have 3 sisters.  

Now when someone says one in every three, that doesn’t mean it will be limited to one in every three that I know. It means one in any three. So lets do some simple statistics, I’m using a formula we learned in genetics for combinations of offspring with certain allelic probabilities in the parents. 

So if one in three will be affected there is (and this isn’t exactly true, but roll with it) a statistical certainty that one of my baby sisters will have some form of heart disease. There is also a 22% chance that two of the three will be affected. And there is a 4% chance that all three will.

That’s just me looking at my sister’s odds. That means that there is a 22% chance that out of any random three women you know, two of them will be at risk for heart disease.

At least, according to this remarkably simple statistical model.

The facts, however, are kind of scary. Out of all of the deaths resulting from heart disease over half were women. (CDC) Someone in this country has a heart attack every 34 seconds. (CDC)

That’s insane.

So what can we do?
Awareness and Prevention.

Our two best tools to fight this. So please (especially you ladies) check out The American Heart Association, or the Center for Disease Control  and read about risk factors, warning signs, and steps you can take to lower your own risk. 

 Something to think about. 



Around this time of year many people decide they want to change something about themselves. No doubt this is done with the intention of self-improvement. So these are some thoughts I had when I considered this.



Why do we, every year, insist on doing this? And why do people wait until the new year to make an improvement in their lives? Next Tuesday is just as good of a day to make a change, especially if that change is likely to benefit you and/or those around you.

Also, these resolutions seem to generally be a little deficit based in nature. There is something wrong with us, and we must fix it. Why is it always that way? Rarely will I hear someone say they want to take something they do well, a positive quality about themselves and use it more, or better. Resolutions always tend to be negative. They also tend to be vague, lack structure, a way to hold ourselves accountable for achieving them, without a timeframe. In short, they lack almost all that which makes a good goal good. Which is why most resolutions don’t last very long. Or maybe that’s just me.



So this year I’ll switch it up, and even challenge you to do the same; this year I don’t want to change anything about me at all. No, I want to strive for a good knowledge of who I am, what I’m good at, what I’m not good at etc. I don’t want to change me, I wanna figure out who ‘me’ is before I do that. I want to learn about myself. I want to make revelations, not resolutions. I want to see the world (including myself) for what it is, not what I’d like to think it is. 



Revelation #1:

This IS real life. You’ve heard it before, I know I have, but the line from that David after Dentist video (“Is this real life?”) gets thrown around from time to time. And sometimes it doesn’t seem like the life we live is real.

Sometimes a day or a weekend or trip, whatever, seems too good to be true. So good, or ridiculous, that it can’t be real life. There are times that life is like a movie, and you’re the hero. The lead. The protagonist, if you will. 


You know what? It’s not. You’re not. And that’s okay. There is nobody scripting your life right now. Unless that person is you. But there is no omniscient narrator to your story, theme music doesn’t follow you (which would be awesome), and there is no audience just watching, hoping everything works out for best.



If that sounds harsh, welcome to the real world. It’s hard for me to write this and not sound cynical or pessimistic, but I’m not. At least I don’t feel that way. I’m okay with it, neither happy or sad, just acceptant of this fact. And maybe I’m late to the party on this and I sound like a complete idiot, but I think not. 

So here is why this is relevant to New Years.

I had a fantastic three days in preparation for and the first day of 2012. At least overall it was. I had a great three nights with both friends and family celebrating. I was not so much celebrating the end of anything or the beginning or something new. I was celebrating the company I was in. I also had some great days with these same people, looking at art, watching TV, sitting in one place (an extraordinarily comfortable leather couch) for 9 hours watching sports with some of my best friends in the world.

My life the last three days doesn’t seem real. How could it be? But it was. And while helping clean up from the most recent night of fun it hit me: You couldn’t, you can’t script this. The best writer could never have invented the story that I am creating for myself, or you for yourself right now. 


So good news and bad news. And I’ll give you the bad news first: Your life is real. 
The good news? Your life is real.

The great moments, those are real and they are YOURS. You wrote them with your actions, with your choices, so they belong to you. And that is truly wonderful. 

The same goes with the not so great moments. There are always downs to go with the ups. Sometimes things don’t just work out because that’s life. 

Which leads me to:

Revelation #2.



Things don’t just work themselves out. This is a big deal to me because I try not to worry too much about things, I’m not a really strict planner kind of person. Things usually work out. But it doesn’t happen by itself. If you’ll bear with an extended metaphor; as we walk the path of life we come to forks and must choose left or right. Sometimes we make the right choice, sometimes we don’t. But at least when we get where we going we got there because we chose it. The equivalent of things working themselves out is walking the path blindfolded. You didn’t choose where you got, but you still did the walking.



(Brace yourselves, I’m about to attempt to articulate why all of this makes sense together in my head.)



Life isn’t a movie and things don’t just happen. We write our own stories with our choices. So why is NYE the only day we think about where we WANT to go or what we want our story to say? Why don’t we make resolutions every day? Take the blindfold off. Sure there are times you wish would have wished you went left instead of right but at least you’ll know how to get back to that point and make the right choice. Make sense?

Also it’s not always going to be easy. You’re not the hero, so things won’t fall into your lap. Go get the experiences you want. And if something comes easy, see how far you can take it before its not. Challenge yourself always. Because things won’t always be sunny and great, so some practice being in over your head or in the rain is helpful. 


So if you want to make a resolution this year, resolve to actively live, to make things happen instead of waiting and hoping for them to happen.

You could choose a specific point on the path you want to get to before the year is out, or you could change the way you walk it and thus make all paths possible. 


Watch out 2012, we’re coming for ya.


Happy New Year everybody. 



I have a friend. His name is Michael Lee. If you don’t know him, look him up. On Facebook, Tumblr, Youtube, where ever. He is amazing. And here is why: Mike can do more with his voice, with his words, than I have ever done with my actions. Mike is a poet, a writer, and a life changer. He devotes his time to others like I can’t even imagine. He is a crusader for the arts and a volunteer for the homeless of Minneapolis. Mike can make me want to change the world with a three minute poem, he can inspire me to give my time to others with a sentence. He reminds me that any limits we have, are of our own making. He went from trying out this slam poetry thing to being ranked number 9 in the WORLD for slam poets and receiving the award for Best Individual Poet at a national collegiate poetry competition. He pours out his heart to the audience, and they love it. He speaks the truth. He inspires me almost as much as anyone has ever inspired me. I am honestly honored to know him, and I am DAMN proud to claim him as a friend. 

It makes me think, though. What have I ACTUALLY done in my life? I’m not taking about winning awards or receiving recognition, I am taking about who have I helped, what difference have I made? I am not okay with going through life making it SEEM like I have done something to benefit others.  I don’t mean to imply that that would require a big sacrifice but I cannot tell you what I have done. Mike inspires me to do something tangible to help others. And I love him for it.  He doesn’t know it, but he has influenced my life and college experience greatly. It is not that he inspires me to be like him, but rather, he inspires me to be like ME. 

 

It has been quite some time since I last wrote something on here, so this is me trying to get back on that track. And oh boy, are there some things to talk about. 

While on campus yesterday a thought hit me. I was feeling a little frustrated with everything that’s going on right now. Academic, social, and various other personal stressors are all full steam ahead right now. I wasn’t in the best mood. And then it hit me, just a small little thought that packed the punch of a Mack truck: I have it pretty damn good. My life is pretty damn good.

I want everyone reading this right now to stop what you are doing (when I finish the sentecnce )  and think of all of the positive things you’ve had in your life. No, I’m serious, do it. Right now. The rest of the post will be waiting for you, honestly think of all of the things that you have that are good. Ready…..GO.

Back? Alright. So I was thinking: I have never had to worry about having enough food on the table. I have never had to worry that I wouldn’t have a bed for the night (well except that one time in MPLS this summer). I have always had access to a good education. I have always had access to, and a way to pay for; quality healthcare, dental care, optometry, and other non essential health related services. I have always had a wonderful family that has always been there to support me through anything. 

Now think of your list of things. How many people have all of those? How many don’t have one or two of those?

HOW MANY OF THE 7 BILLION PEOPLE IN THE WORLD DON’T HAVE ANY OF THOSE? 

Yeah, I’m going there. How often do you take it for granted that there has not been a war on US soil since what, the mid 19th century? How often do you take it for granted that you don’t have to walk miles to school, just to get a basic education? Seriously. We have it pretty damn good here. 

I’m looking at you Occupy-ers. Now let me be very clear: I am in no way belittling the right of the people to protest. I will make no comment on the politics behind that. I respect that the movement is meant to bring about policy reform.  I am not mocking them. I am not disrespecting it at all. I’m trying to get people to have some perspective. By all means, Occupy if you must, but remember that you are lucky that you live in a country where even if you get shot at for protesting the bullets are rubber. Got me? Even that, though I’m not sure how often that even happens, is a blessing. Never.Forget.How Lucky. WE all are. 

So 99%-ers: You may be in the middle of the pack, or the bottom, in a country in which roughly 84% of the wealth is controlled by the upper quintile fo the population. Yep, there is a ridiculously large disparity in wealth distribution. But consider this, please. Globally, the bottom SIXTY PERCENT of the world’s population (7 bil x .6=4.2 billion btw) owns 5.6 percent of the world’s wealth. As an American, you ARE NOT in the bottom 60. You’re probably not even in the bottom eighty. You may be the 99% in America but to the world, you are Wall Street. You are the greedy, you are the corrupt. You are a resident of a country that ranks #4 on the UN’s Human Development Index (a measure of relative standard of living). You’re troubles can’t hold a candle to theirs. 

WE are the 1% to the world. And you know what, it’s a damn good thing that 99% hasn’t decided to Occupy US (couldn’t resist the pun). Once again, do what you gotta do. But remember there are people in the world that don’t have access to clean drinking water. There are people that have families that would probably die if they decided to protest the inequality THEY experience.

So what are we doing about it? What are you GOING to do about it?  

Again, I’m not trying to shame the Occupy movement. I’m not trying to belittle it. I’m trying to make you all realize that we live in an ever globalizing world, and as such maybe we should start thinking like it, and stop thinking about ourselves.  

Thanks for reading. Thank somebody today for what they have given you, then help somebody that needs it. Somehow. If we all do that once a day, think of the changes we can create.

Tell your family (biological or otherwise) you love them, you can’t ever say that too much. 

So tonight I was thinking about values. This may be because my mentee group will be discussing this tomorrow afternoon and it helps if I’ve thought about it beforehand. Anyway, I was thinking about written statements of values. Mottos, creeds, mission statements, and the like. 

Now I don’t know about you but I find some companies mission statements to be really vague, and not related to what they actually do. That bugs me. So why doesn’t it bug me when people have a vague, irrelevant or unimplementable guiding statement? I don’t know.

Of course, not everybody has an explicit personal mission statement. Why not? WHY ARE YOU HERE? What are you doing? Do you have a purpose for yourself? Why not?

Now I am lucky enough to be a part of an organization that expects its members to live by a creed. And it starts “WE, as Evans Scholars… “

 

We, as Evans Scholars, strive for ideals of community leadership— achieved not necessarily through popularity, but through character. We cherish the ability to set aside pleasurable activities until the necessary ones are accomplished.

We strive for group unity and loyalty through an interaction and appreciation of varied backgrounds and personalities. We strive for public esteem based upon the demonstrated ability to achieve and maintain positions of respect in our community.

We represent an educational institution seeking to teach men and women to live and work with each other and to instill in them the ability to embrace individual differences and to respect individual freedoms. Personal growth is our goal; group living is our means. 

It’s nice to have this handed to me. A creed to go by as an Evans Scholar. So I think it’s about time I stop treating the creed as if it were merely something to memorize and recite at meetings. Maybe it’s something to really live by, what’s the worse that could happen? I set aside unnecessary things for the necessary ones? I conduct myself with character? It’s really not all that bad. So I ‘m going to start being intentional about my values, my actions, my priorities. I’m going to write them down, and hold myself to them. Who knows, maybe I will become the person I want to be. Because that’s all these things are, what we want ourselves to be. They’re a tool that, when used, can help us reach our goals pertaining to our selves. Not ourselves, but our selves. 

Who do you want to be?  What are you doing here? 

Σκέψου το.

Today I was thinking (so out of character for me). And I blame my photography project for the seed of this thought. I was thinking about the black and white argument people have about good and bad, right and wrong, etc. You see, my project has to be done in black and white. Anyway here is my take on it, kind of. 


Some people say there are two sides to everything. I say that’s wrong. I think there are an infinite number of angles to look at a problem, or issue, whatever. It’s not a coin with a heads or tails on it. It’s a glass ball. And every conceivable angle (mathmatically speaking, maybe even infinite?) makes the world through the glass look different. I think everyone that looks at an issue creates their own perspective on it. Sure, sometimes two people have very similar takes on things. But people also have different, and sometimes radically different views. 

Humor me while I try to show this with an example.

Logging and using paper.

We’ve all heard someone say that they’re going to save trees, and use less paper all that. Yay conservation! Right? Maybe we should just do away with paper to preserve the forests, especially here in the great state of Minnesota. Just drastically cut the logging and paper is getting outdated anyway, so who needs it? Good for the environment so why not?

What if I told you that growing up my dad’s job was such that it allowed for my mom to stay at home with all five of us kids? What if I told you that his work schedule allowed him to be around, and involved with all of us? What if I told you that job provided food and shelter for my family as well as plenty of stuff that in the grand scheme is just extra? What if I told you that that job was helping my big brother and little sister go and get a college education, and will probably help another one of my little sisters to go to school as well? 

Now what if I told you that my dad’s job was at a paper mill, operating the machinery that turns logs into pulp for paper? What if reducing logging made it so my dad’s job no longer existed? What if I told you that that would change the way my family lived, and most likely for the worse?  Would you, my friend, still advocate for no more logging? Would you advocate to move away from using paper in advertisements and everyday life? 

Would you?

I’m not saying there is a right answer here. I’m saying this is a black and white picture, sure, but somebody definitely turned the contrast way down.

Try it sometime. Seriously try to think about the implications of you’re actions and opinions. Then think about it from a different vantage point. It’s a trip, but I think it is a valuable skill to have.

Pensez-y 

I’ve been thinking on this topic in several capacities for the entirety of this week. So I figured I’d write about it. Damn, here we go.

So I hate when I start sounding like my Dad. It’s scary, only a little bit though. In all honesty: if I end up like my Dad, I will be just fine. No Dad, this isn’t the “Why my Dad is awesome” post you asked for a while back. But there are seriously times where I sound like him, or think like him and I hate it. Why?

Because that means he was RIGHT. About whatever it was. Well dad, you were right about this: there is a difference between what you want and what you need.

You were very right. And I always kinda went yeah I know…whatever. Because I thought he was talking about just commercially speaking, you know? No you can’t get that toy etc. And even then I continued to be an irrational, impulsive spender. The yin to Tony’s frugal, savings-minded yang.
Anyway, I’m starting to realize my dad was right. In more ways than one. Dang it. I’m getting to that point where I’m starting to really look at what’s good for me. Then I compare that to what I want. Is what I want something I need, or not.

That question sucks. I want a lot of things. I want to buy things, to do things, go places, see things the whole nine yards. But I can’t have everything I want, I can’t do everything I want. It’s actually physically impossible, there isn’t enough time. Sometimes they kind of conflict, that doesn’t make it any easier either.

Really this comes down to what I’m here for, what my priorities are, and what is helping that and what isn’t.

Moral of the story, my dad was right. And it’s hard to distinguish and even harder to stick to only pursuing what you need and putting off what you want. 

I guess sometimes life is hard.

Who knew? 

Okay, so these things piss me off. Every time, guaranteed. Like the “Stupid cancer” one that is going around at the moment.

I have a dare for you. I DARE you to come up to me and tell me I don’t care about people affected by cancer because I haven’t copied what someone else said and put it on my Facebook or whatever. 

I.DARE.YOU.

Because I WILL tell you how it felt to have my grandmother cry on my shoulder when we got my grandfather’s initial prognosis, I’ll take you on the roller coaster ride that was the first couple of months, how we went from thinking it was caught early, to thinking it was pretty bad but operable, to finding out that during surgery the surgeon felt lumps on the surrounding tissues meaning not much time. I will share with you what it felt like to watch the man that was my grandfather slowly, painfully, and relentlessly slip away due to cancer. I will tell you how it felt to go to their house and help my father and brother get him out of bed and to the car so we could rush him to the hospital because his blood sugar was so high and worry as he spent days in the ICU. I’ll tell you about the gut wrenching guilt I felt going on a previously planned vacation, knowing he was on his deathbed and I wouldn’t be there when he went. I will try to describe to you the feeling of saying the routine “Bye, Papa. I love you.” knowing that this time it really was goodbye.
I’ll even tell you about the whirlwind of emotions I went through on the night my family told him, while he was still lucid, what he meant to us as individuals and as a family. I’ll tell you how it felt to cry into my uncle’s shoulder, twice in one day at his wake. And I’ll tell you how the song “I can only Imagine” makes me cry to this day. I’ll try to explain to you how hard it was to try to be strong for my sisters when all I wanted to do was break down.  

I’ll tell you all of this, while fighting tears, if you ask me. So go ahead.

Put THAT on a damn status.  

Blame it on the DSP, but I feel like every life experience I have requires me to write a “Final Reflection Paper”. Seriously though. So I will. 

So I didn’t quite make 30 in 30 days. I think it was more like 28 in 32 days or something like that. Not terrible all things considered. 

So now what? Will I stop writing about the things I’m thinking about? No way. I actually wish I could do it more often. The only thing is, the really good thoughts usually come when I’m walking to class. Which is no problem itself, but then I have to suspend that line of thinking for an hour or three to learn. Needless to say, sometimes it’s hard to pick up where I left off. But hopefully I can continue to write, and provoke some reflective thinking in others. 
So what have I learned from this last month?

1. Writing is harder and easier than you think. Easier if you forget what your English teachers taught you and just write. Harder because you can’t always do that, and there’s pressure to make everything you write good. Which is essentially impossible.

2. There are some awesome people that actually read what I write. And they are not afraid to tell me, and I love it.

3. Literally anyone can do this. Okay, I will admit before I did this bloggers were kind of like those people  to me. Honestly, I didn’t hold blogs in too high of esteem. That was unfair of me, and I take it back. This can be an extremely effective way to cultivate and communicate some really good ideas. 

4.REFLECT, REFLECT, REFLECT.  Two years ago, I was a first year student  which is the PC version of freshman. I was in a program, and it made me think about myself, talk about myself, write about my thoughts, and actions and skills etc. I HATED IT. Fast forward two years. I’m now a mentor in the program, could not be a bigger supporter of it or reflection. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without it. 
Well maybe that’s the wrong way to put it. I wouldn’t be a apt to be so me. I’d be timidly me. I wouldn’t have the confidence in myself to be myself. Because I would still be under the delusion that I had to find what that was. You don’t find yourself, where in Hell would you look for yourself? You’re always there, because it’s you. Make sense? You don’t have to search, you have to notice. I guess you could “find yourself” anywhere, so long as you had a reflection. (see what I did there?)

But seriously, finding yourself is a bad term in my opinion. You have to notice yourself. Just be who you are and think about what that means. That’s you. Boom, done. The reflection is key. 
I’d like to think that that is what I am doing, really noticing who I am and embracing the hell out of that. I am goofy. I am still a kid at heart. I don’t care if I look like a fool sometimes, especially if there’s a good reason for it. I’m going to be me for as long as I can. 

5. People are awesome, sometimes they’re just afraid to admit it because they think they’re the only ones. As much as that makes people sound horribly arrogant, that is NOT what I mean by this. I mean that it seems to me that many people are surprised to find somebody else thinks along the same lines as them. It’s part of that weird “I-want-to-be-unique-but-I-don’t-want-to-be-alone-either” social dynamic. If we shared what we erally thought more, we might just find out that there are people that think the same way. If we tried, we just might find the ways in which we are all pretty similar.

So I’m going to keep doing this. Because I like sharing my thoughts, and finding out other people feel the same, or even better disagree and make me consider another way of looking at something. It’s great. So if you’ll keep reading, I’ll keep writing. If not, it’s been a great month. Thank you.